Side Effects

It has been about a month now since my hospital stay and diagnosis. We have settled into an altered routine, filled with specialist appointments and a long list of medications. They take a significant portion of my day to manage. There are pills I must take while standing, then remain standing, for an hour. Otherwise, I can burn my esophagus? Just having it in your mouth for a second before the water takes it away is like swallowing battery acid. There are pills I must take on an empty stomach, with a strong vitamin C source, then not eat for half an hour. I eat an orange, take the pill, then clean the kitchen. There are pills I take daily, pills I take weekly, pills I take every second day, pills I take Monday, Wednesday and Friday. There is even a pill I can just take ... if I need one. Of course (VE) I have a spreadsheet. We've got that part figured out.

Never the easiest person to navigate, SWMBO has obviously become an expert at reading the tea leaves and working the controls behind the curtain to keep me marching down that Yellow Brick Road. Wives (and husbands) learn how to do this if they want to have happy relationships. She has the advantage of being one of the two nicest people on earth. The other is my sister, which is why they are so simpatico. When they are together they seldom deign to even talk to me. What I am struggling with is the psychiatric side effects of the highest dose possible of prednisone. I am not barking mad, and I don't believe I have been hallucinating ... but I have turned into a bit of a short fused, nitro fueled funny car with no short term memory. There is nothing funny about it. Trying to cook or complete a major outdoor project in this condition is interesting. I wander the kitchen or my yard looking a something that I had in my hands forty-five seconds earlier. I never find it. I just go and get another one. Once it is in my hands again, I forget when I was doing in the first place. I am not kidding. I have come home twice missing the exact thing I went out to get. They are in a parking lot somewhere? Or were on the roof of my car. $200 dollars worth of glucose sensors and a large bundle of yard waste bags. Gone. I have the receipt, I get home, nothing in the bags on my motorcycle, nothing in the car. Ghandi. The adrenal glands which sit on top of the kidneys produce a stress hormone called cortisol. Prednisone is a synthetic version of that hormone and my doctor's believe that it will "dissolve" the GGO's (ground glass opacities) which my immune system has been producing for no good reason in my lungs. In my brain, this hormone has determined that the "fight or flight" response programmed into all of us, is bullshit. There is no flight in my psyche right now. I am am pretty sure there is a kid at Pizza Pizza, a receptionist in Waterloo and a dental hygienist who can attest to that. I am also fairly certain, I got a senior citizen at Home Depot fired ... based on the staff running towards me when he was rude and I unloaded on him. Loudly and publicly. "THAT'S FOUR TIMES YOU HAVE TAKEN A SHOT AT ME. I AM DONE SPEAKING WITH YOU. WALK AWAY FROM ME RIGHT NOW AND GET ME A MANAGER. YOU NEED SOME HELP GETTING PAST THE BAD DAY YOU SEEM TO BE HAVING." Of course SWMBO (and Milo and Maddie) bear the brunt of it. We know what it is now. For them, it is perhaps like walking through a room filled with set mouse traps. One goes off and a chain reaction starts. She leaves the room, has a little cry and forgives me. I am hiding outside as much as possible. Now the concern is getting off the drug. "YOU THINK IT'S BAD NOW?" We keep reading this over and over again. I think I will just move to Bolivia for a month. As BD would say, "First World Problems". For about four billion people on this planet, my condition would have been fatal a month ago. We will figure this out. I am so sorry DS. I live in a paradise. You make it that way. 💘

Our Optimum Week

Spring projects are coming to a close. We had our third round of the three amigos and 3696 pounds (before adding water) of cement have disppeared into the rented mixer and poured in various places around the property. Another round of sod is laid, both front garden renovations are done and I am planting as we speak. 1.2 million points expended have offset a portion of those costs. Lumber, hardware, cement, screenings, soil, mulch, equipment rentals and about $700 worth of plants. I have 600,000 left and will use that to zero out the food budget for another month or so. I also have four new subscribers so it is a simplified list this week to get them going. Some good deals from the new flyer and while the straight up offers are not that great, the digital offers (that you have to upload) are! I counted 16,000 of easy points from there for stuff I buy anyway. On the regular offers, the continuity offer on T&T products (I have written about them before) is one no one should miss. Oh, and 30% straight back in points on cologne and perfume Shoppers. I am still on the 1 Million (Paco Rabanne) but I am getting there. When someone tells me it is a scent free environment, I tell them it is Mennen Speed Stick. They can suck a dick. WAIT. That's probably the drugs talking? Here is your list:

The Great Toilet Paper Heist

Occasionally, through circumstances beyond my control, a fresh roll of toilet paper gets bowled (get it?) into the yawning jaws of its eventual destination. In this case, the flung arm of my coveralls, knocks the one waiting in the "on deck circle" ... and splash. Now, I am not saying the toilet was clean and empty. I am also not saying it was an Aunt Jemina disaster. Let's just say that there was not much in there? Of course I snatch it out immediately and set it to undergoing its' natural healing process. TP can do this for itself if just given some time and space. Like Luke on that swamp planet dealing with his "daddy" issues? The funny thing is, that as a result of this process, it is actually much improved? There is a saffron tinge and a crunch to it? An enhanced abrasive quality that I find beneficial. Sort of like distressed jeans or weathered furniture. I am surprised those big marketing Mad Men types from New York, have not previously employed this strategy? I have patented this evolved toilet paper as the Upgraded Toilet Paper Assembly or UTPA. SWMBO does not believe in the UTPA. SWMBO does not plan to use the UTPA. "Throw the funking thing out" has been her reaction as it sits on the edge of our magical bath tub capable of restoring both her worship and the UTPA to an enhanced state of usefulness. Less tuna boat. So, today was the day. I removed all the other pristine toilet paper from the bathroom area, the pantry, actually the entire ground floor of our house and placed (hid) it all in the basement. I went out to work in the gardens and came in to find that indeed a pristine roll of normal less enhanced toilet had been located and placed in the bathroom. The UTPA was nowhere to be found. Now, she refuses to return it. It is important that SWMBO follow these horizon expanding personal growth exercises to a successful conclusion. If you know her cell number, or routinely connect with her on Messenger, please reach out? Help this poor girl. Text: Save the UTPA. I'm thinking lawn signs? Maybe a bumper sticker? I snapped a picture of UTPA before the aforementioned evil entity absconded with it.

Mitch & Maddie