A High Bar
"You've gotta be smarter than the dog" was a favourite expression around home growing up. We applied this saying literally, but also to strangers when the situation called for it. It was stunningly COLD out, snowing sideways and one of my high school p/t jobs was ploughing snow. Two guys are trying to jump start a car. The jumper had his car idling, doors and hood open. Fine, but his stereo is blasting out some urban poetry, of which I was not a fan. The system was so loud, you could see his headlight dim when the subs were working. Yup, his headlights were on, along with the stereo. He is trying to transfer energy to another car! The jumpee's car was mercifully silent but the headlights were dimly peering out. Until he turns his key on, at which point his stereo starts pumping out some equally loud but totally different song. Here's the two of them, stuck, at minus 20 in a driving snowstorm and neither driver can hear if either engine is running. You gotta be smarter than the dog!
To that end, Maddie sets a high bar. Now that spring is here and I have sufficiently trained her to come when called, she is off-leash in my backyard. She absolutely loves it. SWMBO, not so much. She rolls in bunny turds. Gets covered in dust, her feet are black, she comes in with burrs & straw in her fur. Happy. Now, when there is any suggestion I may be leaving, she is GOING. Could be the dentist. She doesn't care. "Sign me up" For a while, sneaking out worked. She'd whine and complain to SWMBO, then lay down and pout. No more. Right now, typing the kitchen, she has pushed her bed up against my legs and is sitting on my feet. If I sit on the couch, she's on my lap. I was reading in bed the other day and she is laying on my chest. Backwards. The business end tucked firming under my chin. "Let's see you get away now Mutherf*&&er"
Quick Hits
Hey - Mix a tablespoon of that fiery Walkerswood Jerk Seasoning with half a cup of sour cream. Deadly on a tortilla wrap. I did the same with green pesto, but it's a bit much.
First Bennifer, then Brangelina, now Elump. Thanks Bill Mahar.
I mentioned a few weeks ago that inevitably, beer sales in grocery stores would cause Beer Store closings and losing good union jobs. That happened. Apparently now, there is a fly in the ointment (I have to look that one up). Returning empty bottles and cans is a dirty business. They've been peed in. They have cigarette butts in them. Bees and hornets love em. Beer ferments. Bottles are heavy, fragile and the cases turn to mush in any sort of weather. Cans are light, noisy and possess razor-sharp edges. Did I mentioned they have been peed in? Their sales pitch (provincial Tories) was that the Beer Store would continue to provide the redemption service and grocery stores could duck the whole sordid process. Provided (here it comes) ... there was a Beer Store within 5 kilometers. No issues, there is one on every street corner. Now with the store closings, there are scores of grocery stores that in theory, will have to re-tool, hire staff, designate separate loading docks and storage locations within existing facilities for all this labour intensive, zero profit enterprise. It would all (of course), need to be kept separate from our fresh food? Over to you Mr. Ford. I predict we will have to go back to "sinking" our bottles in fresh-water lakes and throwing beer cans in the garbage. Like we do with everything else sold at the grocery store. But no plastic bags? Gotta protect the environment.
My Optimum Week
I bailed on Zehr's for some needed vegetables. They just didn't have the stuff I wanted on sale, so over to Food Basics. Carrots $3, lemon $1, radish $2, red onions $7, Vidalia $3. That's a lot of veggies for sixteen bucks. The Zehr's flyer was again a little light but they do have two new PC flavoured mayos (spicy dill pickle and toasted chili) that I might try for $3.50. I just bought Russet potatoes just before they went on sale for $3.99. So ends the Yukon Gold Affair. The Digital Offers were great so have a look but I found several to load right away. Here is your list:
Food For Thought
Neil DeGrasse-Tyson had an online spot about how if you scale the earth down to the size of a cue ball, there is no topography. The earth is actually smoother than a billiard ball? From the top of Mount Everest to the bottom of the Marianas Trench is about 19 kilometers. The earth is 12,000 kilometers across. At that scale, a powerful microscope shows that delta as a scratch. Now, cover the whole thing with a a soap bubble thin layer and in there you can hold all the oceans, all animals, all plant life, and our atmosphere! Want to feel just a tiny bit smaller? Some Reddit mathematician helped out. Take every single human on the planet. 8.1 billion of us. Put us all in a gigantic blender, add some egg, bread crumbs, parmesan cheese, salt and pepper and make a meatball. One. How big is that? For all the damage we do to our planet, we must be pretty significant ... right? Here we all are. In Central Park.
We Are Watching
Department Q on Netflix - We got pulled away from Hightown and found this on Netflix. What a pleasant surprise. It's already renewed for next season. Brooding detective, fantastic supporting cast including a slew of familiar faces. Probably the best thing on television right now (seeing as Slow Horses, Landman and The Diplomat are still in production). We all know where the last episode is going. It just takes about twenty minutes too long. Be ready with the >> key on the remote. Five stars.
Mike Birbiglia - The Good Life on Netflix - This guy was huge about twenty years ago when comedy became popular on AM radio. I was commuting to Stratford and listened to him a lot. He's more introspective now. SWMBO loved his humour and I must admit, he brought the audience to an absolute pin drop standstill as few times with his "on the nose" dissections of the human condition. He's not Ron White funny but more Nate Bargatze introspective funny. Good stuff and worth the hour of your time. Four stars.
Ash on Prime - Eiza Gonzalez can actually act a bit which is funny coming from the Megan Fox camp of "special effects" that do not need CGI. Holy smokes! What doesn't work for me is the fast cuts to monsters — coated in red crude oil screaming under red lights as the score spikes in the background. Its the sort of entry level horror movie slop that I do not have time for. Hopefully, this does not ruin her for a better script. Remember Jennifer's Body? Of course you don't. One star.
The King's Man on Prime - I avoided this prequel when it came out as the trailers appeared to sully pretty well known history? Not so much. They take a lot of liberties, but they do have all the moving parts in place. You also get to see a pretty great sword fight and Matthew Goode before getting the lead in Department Q (above). Three stars.
... and finally
I thought I was being clever last week, but when you have to explain a pun ... - Misogyny is an ingrained prejudice against women (I know you know). - My lead piece last week was about scheming female dental technicians. - I had originally named the piece A Little Misogyny. - I renamed it to Little Miss Odd Jenny. - Nobody got it. - RP would have got it.
Mitch & Maddie